4 YEARS WITHOUT MY CITY(written Sept.12,2005

Okay.

So it's been 4 years without my city.
I only know it's been 4 years because that's what all the news shows and reports say.If i had 2 go go by FEELING,i wouldn't know how long it's been.Beacuse at the same time..it feels like 4ever AND at the SAME time it STILL feels completely unreal,false,like there really still is the littlest chance that SOMEHOW,SOMEWAY it HASN'T REALLY HAPPENED.Somehow something has just gone very wrong temporarily,and it's all somehow just gonna b found 2b some kind of clossal mistake,and we can all b okay again.We don't really have 2 strecth our heads around something that still sticks in the throat of understanding.
But,strange as it is,no matter how littl;e understanding i can STILL have-it doesn't matter..the 'reality' goes on unabated,without my full understanding.
So i wonder if there's anybody else who STILL can't grasp it in the same way i can't.I wonder if mayb i shouldn't really just b okay with it by now.