Time 2 tackle this...

Okay.
Time 2 tackle why u fuck me up so much. First some facts.

I like 2 watch u.I like 2 watch u with people.
Before i even got 2 see u in a group (other than class) i knew u were 1 of those people who changed the energy of the place u were in. That's extremely powerful. Sometimes when u look at me, and i'm looking back at ur eyes (i haven't really looked 2 far in to them , yet-i've been 2 dazzled by the surface beauty of them..)-i feel like i've been hit. Not even. I feel like i've been walloped. I'm all thumbs and nervous silence with u. I DON'T LIKE THAT. It's awful, exruciating. That hasn't been me around ANYONE, really.., since high school. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AROUND U.That BAFFLES me.That's NOT me.
But u know what i think fucks me up even more than that...
THE FACT THAT U ARE SHOWING ME THE ATTENTION U ARE.
The minute i'm away from u(or when i read 1 of ur emails)..,and i think about the time spent with u-the smiles that feel like they're just 4 me, the looks that are saying something i can't yet hear, the brief pressing of just about the softest lips i've EVER felt in my life...
And i just don't get it.WHY THE FUCK R U NOTICING ME AT ALL...??????????
I decided after that first nite in class not 2 pay any attention 2 u. U were 1 of those guys who EVERYONE wanted. I could picture people vying 4 ur attention, whether or not they knew it.
But what i've learned(and this puzzles me as well)is what i DON'T see. U DON'T have the ugliness of conceit that some guys with ur striking presence foster. I don't catch the side-long glances as u survey those around u,2 better note how many are watching u. U don't change urself(that i've seen. well, mayb a lil' bit on the nite of that big show.., but just with that 1 guy, and i don't even really know if that's what i saw...).
Anyway-point is that not far after first really FEELING ur sort of inward-out attractiveness, i ABSOLUTELY excluded u from the list of things with witch 2 b occupied.
And u completely flipped that script on me, so now what he fuck do i do.
I would love 2 know how many men u have this effect on.
And it's strange-i can't say that i have FEELINGS 4 u...What i can say is that i have an AWARENESS of u like almost nothing i've ever felt b4.As much as my turtle mode(which i don't even remember HAVING b4 u...lol) goes in2 screaming effect around u-i WANT 2 know u.
And don't get me started on how u SMELL. Intoxicating.I have 2 constantly fight the urge 2 assult u.., grab u by the shoulders,throw my tongue down ur throat,and bury my face in that beautiful,strong neck.Because i used 2 wear a different version of the same thing, it's an odd effect that that oil u wear has on me. It has the combined effect of dizzying me, as far as being HIGHLY aware of it on YOU. And also of reminding me of the 'me' i used 2b.Anytime i'm around u there's this disorienting, sickening duality at play in me. Of being undeniably drawn 2 u(unable 2 make good on my initial resolve 2 NOT notice u),but also i'm scared SHITLESS of having 2 interact with u,4 fear of u finding out what a mute idiot i am around u.
I was being flippant when i said i was scared of u, unfortunately that seems 2b more accurate than i would like, when i think about it.
I'm not a MAN around u.
I'm a little boy,with a fully developed crush on a very sexxxy adult.
THAT'S SO NOT KOOL.That's SO not...ME.
Man, what am i gonna do about U.