Okay.
Forgot 2 ask mom 4 a take home joint.
Shit.
Started thinking...
BEFORE I DIE
I want 2 smoke in a hot air balloon over the Valley of Kings.
I want 2 smoke right b4 swimming with the dolphins.
I want 2 smoke watching Prince perform live.
I want 2 dance with the Aborigines at the foot of Devils' Tower, and smoke.
I want 2 climb Mount Kilimanjaro as high as i can, and smoke.
I want 2 ride a gondola thru Venice, Italy and smoke.
I want 2 smoke and go skydiving.
I want 2 smoke while riding the Orient Express.
I want 2 drive cross-country and smoke (and not get caught ONCE).
I want 2 swing thru the trees of the Amazon jungle, rest on a branch, and smoke.
I want 2 eat peyote under the tutelage of an Indian shaman, and then smoke (this one might b overkill).
I want 2 smoke while in the topmost car of the London Eye.
I want 2 smoke at Studio 54, at a party with Marilyn Monroe, James Baldwin, Edith Piaf, Truman Capote, Tutankhamen, my ex-boyfriend Hector Rodriguez, Dorothy Dandridge, Janis Joplin, Sylvester, John Lennon, Sal Mineo, Keith Haring, Alfred Hitchcock, my aunt Mary Garfield (she probably won't b smoking, tho-smooth, dry, LARGE martinis will b fine, thank you), Billie Holiday, JFK, and Malcolm X.
With Larry Levan in the DJ booth.
I want 2 smoke RIGHT NOW.
That second 2 last 1 might have 2 wait 'till after i'm dead.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
10 Truths(?)
Okay.
Mayb i'm conflicted now about calling these 'truths'.
Tru-isms,mayb..?Is there a diff..?Wonder what the definition of truism actually is....
Got this as a 4ward sometime back.usually hate these things,but hey-'right' is 'RIGHT'.
TEN TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead
2. Jesus was NOT white
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. KISSING YOUR PET IS NOT CUTE OR CLEAN
5. Skinny does NOT equal sexy
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children
7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional butt whupping helps a child stay in line
10. HAVING YOUR CHILDREN CURSE YOU OUT IN PUBLIC IS NOT NORMAL
TEN TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT
1. Hickeys are NOT attractive
2. Chicken is food, NOT a roommate
3. JESUS IS NOT A NAME FOR YOUR SON
4. Your country's flag is NOT a car decoration
5. Maria is a name but NOT for every daughter
6. Jump out and run is NOT in any insurance policy
7. Ten people in a car is considered too many
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement
9. MAMI AND PAPI CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THE NICKNAME OF EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is NOT normal
TEN TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT
1. O.J. did it
2. Tupac is dead
3. TEETH SHOULD NOT BE DECORATED
4. Weddings should start on time
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President
7. RED IS NOT A KOOL AID FLAVOR, IT'S A COLOR
8. Church does NOT require expensive clothes
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away
10.Your rims and sound system should NOT be worth more than your car
Mayb i'm conflicted now about calling these 'truths'.
Tru-isms,mayb..?Is there a diff..?Wonder what the definition of truism actually is....
Got this as a 4ward sometime back.usually hate these things,but hey-'right' is 'RIGHT'.
TEN TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead
2. Jesus was NOT white
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. KISSING YOUR PET IS NOT CUTE OR CLEAN
5. Skinny does NOT equal sexy
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children
7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional butt whupping helps a child stay in line
10. HAVING YOUR CHILDREN CURSE YOU OUT IN PUBLIC IS NOT NORMAL
TEN TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT
1. Hickeys are NOT attractive
2. Chicken is food, NOT a roommate
3. JESUS IS NOT A NAME FOR YOUR SON
4. Your country's flag is NOT a car decoration
5. Maria is a name but NOT for every daughter
6. Jump out and run is NOT in any insurance policy
7. Ten people in a car is considered too many
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement
9. MAMI AND PAPI CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THE NICKNAME OF EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is NOT normal
TEN TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT
1. O.J. did it
2. Tupac is dead
3. TEETH SHOULD NOT BE DECORATED
4. Weddings should start on time
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President
7. RED IS NOT A KOOL AID FLAVOR, IT'S A COLOR
8. Church does NOT require expensive clothes
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away
10.Your rims and sound system should NOT be worth more than your car
Disaster Slut, revisited
Okay.
Well.
Wasn't thinking about the tears, when i was anticipating the pics of the aftermath of Katrina. I mean i own up 2 bawling at phone and beverage commercials during the holidays, but i was a little surprised at how stunned and deeply felt my reaction 2 some of the video and interviews with the survivors of Katrina's visit was, and is.
Didn't really think there'd b the death toll there has been, and there's still so much of the area that hasn't been gotten 2 yet.
The awful scenes yet 2 b discovered...
The water is STILL rising.
And the pics and video have been much more powerful than i expected.
Yet in the back of my mind.., the idea of the eventual folly of living in someplace where only the small, insignificant, ultimately pathetic attempts of 'man' 2 keep something like the OCEAN away are all an area depends on 2 exist. That whole area is a bowl, the insides of which are actually below sea level.
There's no power in most places. As i write this, soon it's gonna b nite there.
Initially only 1 of the levies that keep the some of the areas dry had broken. As the morning wore on another has let go, sending water many feet high in2 streets and areas that had initially been spared. Now all four of the levies that surround the area are at least partially broken, water flowing over and into the city. And they can't even pump it out, as that would only put it in the Lake, which is already overflowing with the rain from Katrina.
They say very probably 100's of people on rooftops.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
The Superdome where they hastily sheltered 10's of thousands, will now have 2 be evacuated, due 2 the rising water now nearing that downtown area, which had previously been spared.
Water is 10,20 and more ft high.
And then..
What 2 think of the people u see actually looting damaged stores. The rain soaking them as they run, the water above their ankles. What do i feel as i see that they are all BLACK.
In 1 pic i saw a 'brotha' was CHEST HIGH in water, his bag of stolen shyt floating behind him, over his shoulder.
That side of me that feels like it can sympathize with almost ANY other fellow human tries 2 make the rest of me understand..
"Look, ST, u know being poor. U understand that lack of knowing anything better means u do ONLY what u know, or what u see around u. Look at the near complete devastation those people are seeing around them. Stuff is literally in the streets 4 them 2 take..."
Somehow, I'm happy that none of that is really winning the argument 4 me.Besides-where the fuck do u take ur looted shyt,when there's no where 2 go..?THAT'S a special kind of ignorance.
Y'know...i think i know why this may b hitting me like it is.., at least partly.
These feelings kinda remind me of a certain beautful, clear Tuesday morning in Sept. of 2001.
I remember what it's like 2 wonder if mayb the world as u know it can absolutely END.
Yup. Sorry, Virgina, it still absolutely CAN.
Well.
Wasn't thinking about the tears, when i was anticipating the pics of the aftermath of Katrina. I mean i own up 2 bawling at phone and beverage commercials during the holidays, but i was a little surprised at how stunned and deeply felt my reaction 2 some of the video and interviews with the survivors of Katrina's visit was, and is.
Didn't really think there'd b the death toll there has been, and there's still so much of the area that hasn't been gotten 2 yet.
The awful scenes yet 2 b discovered...
The water is STILL rising.
And the pics and video have been much more powerful than i expected.
Yet in the back of my mind.., the idea of the eventual folly of living in someplace where only the small, insignificant, ultimately pathetic attempts of 'man' 2 keep something like the OCEAN away are all an area depends on 2 exist. That whole area is a bowl, the insides of which are actually below sea level.
There's no power in most places. As i write this, soon it's gonna b nite there.
Initially only 1 of the levies that keep the some of the areas dry had broken. As the morning wore on another has let go, sending water many feet high in2 streets and areas that had initially been spared. Now all four of the levies that surround the area are at least partially broken, water flowing over and into the city. And they can't even pump it out, as that would only put it in the Lake, which is already overflowing with the rain from Katrina.
They say very probably 100's of people on rooftops.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
The Superdome where they hastily sheltered 10's of thousands, will now have 2 be evacuated, due 2 the rising water now nearing that downtown area, which had previously been spared.
Water is 10,20 and more ft high.
And then..
What 2 think of the people u see actually looting damaged stores. The rain soaking them as they run, the water above their ankles. What do i feel as i see that they are all BLACK.
In 1 pic i saw a 'brotha' was CHEST HIGH in water, his bag of stolen shyt floating behind him, over his shoulder.
That side of me that feels like it can sympathize with almost ANY other fellow human tries 2 make the rest of me understand..
"Look, ST, u know being poor. U understand that lack of knowing anything better means u do ONLY what u know, or what u see around u. Look at the near complete devastation those people are seeing around them. Stuff is literally in the streets 4 them 2 take..."
Somehow, I'm happy that none of that is really winning the argument 4 me.Besides-where the fuck do u take ur looted shyt,when there's no where 2 go..?THAT'S a special kind of ignorance.
Y'know...i think i know why this may b hitting me like it is.., at least partly.
These feelings kinda remind me of a certain beautful, clear Tuesday morning in Sept. of 2001.
I remember what it's like 2 wonder if mayb the world as u know it can absolutely END.
Yup. Sorry, Virgina, it still absolutely CAN.
Time 2 tackle this...
Okay.
Time 2 tackle why u fuck me up so much. First some facts.
I like 2 watch u.I like 2 watch u with people.
Before i even got 2 see u in a group (other than class) i knew u were 1 of those people who changed the energy of the place u were in. That's extremely powerful. Sometimes when u look at me, and i'm looking back at ur eyes (i haven't really looked 2 far in to them , yet-i've been 2 dazzled by the surface beauty of them..)-i feel like i've been hit. Not even. I feel like i've been walloped. I'm all thumbs and nervous silence with u. I DON'T LIKE THAT. It's awful, exruciating. That hasn't been me around ANYONE, really.., since high school. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AROUND U.That BAFFLES me.That's NOT me.
But u know what i think fucks me up even more than that...
THE FACT THAT U ARE SHOWING ME THE ATTENTION U ARE.
The minute i'm away from u(or when i read 1 of ur emails)..,and i think about the time spent with u-the smiles that feel like they're just 4 me, the looks that are saying something i can't yet hear, the brief pressing of just about the softest lips i've EVER felt in my life...
And i just don't get it.WHY THE FUCK R U NOTICING ME AT ALL...??????????
I decided after that first nite in class not 2 pay any attention 2 u. U were 1 of those guys who EVERYONE wanted. I could picture people vying 4 ur attention, whether or not they knew it.
But what i've learned(and this puzzles me as well)is what i DON'T see. U DON'T have the ugliness of conceit that some guys with ur striking presence foster. I don't catch the side-long glances as u survey those around u,2 better note how many are watching u. U don't change urself(that i've seen. well, mayb a lil' bit on the nite of that big show.., but just with that 1 guy, and i don't even really know if that's what i saw...).
Anyway-point is that not far after first really FEELING ur sort of inward-out attractiveness, i ABSOLUTELY excluded u from the list of things with witch 2 b occupied.
And u completely flipped that script on me, so now what he fuck do i do.
I would love 2 know how many men u have this effect on.
And it's strange-i can't say that i have FEELINGS 4 u...What i can say is that i have an AWARENESS of u like almost nothing i've ever felt b4.As much as my turtle mode(which i don't even remember HAVING b4 u...lol) goes in2 screaming effect around u-i WANT 2 know u.
And don't get me started on how u SMELL. Intoxicating.I have 2 constantly fight the urge 2 assult u.., grab u by the shoulders,throw my tongue down ur throat,and bury my face in that beautiful,strong neck.Because i used 2 wear a different version of the same thing, it's an odd effect that that oil u wear has on me. It has the combined effect of dizzying me, as far as being HIGHLY aware of it on YOU. And also of reminding me of the 'me' i used 2b.Anytime i'm around u there's this disorienting, sickening duality at play in me. Of being undeniably drawn 2 u(unable 2 make good on my initial resolve 2 NOT notice u),but also i'm scared SHITLESS of having 2 interact with u,4 fear of u finding out what a mute idiot i am around u.
I was being flippant when i said i was scared of u, unfortunately that seems 2b more accurate than i would like, when i think about it.
I'm not a MAN around u.
I'm a little boy,with a fully developed crush on a very sexxxy adult.
THAT'S SO NOT KOOL.That's SO not...ME.
Man, what am i gonna do about U.
Time 2 tackle why u fuck me up so much. First some facts.
I like 2 watch u.I like 2 watch u with people.
Before i even got 2 see u in a group (other than class) i knew u were 1 of those people who changed the energy of the place u were in. That's extremely powerful. Sometimes when u look at me, and i'm looking back at ur eyes (i haven't really looked 2 far in to them , yet-i've been 2 dazzled by the surface beauty of them..)-i feel like i've been hit. Not even. I feel like i've been walloped. I'm all thumbs and nervous silence with u. I DON'T LIKE THAT. It's awful, exruciating. That hasn't been me around ANYONE, really.., since high school. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AROUND U.That BAFFLES me.That's NOT me.
But u know what i think fucks me up even more than that...
THE FACT THAT U ARE SHOWING ME THE ATTENTION U ARE.
The minute i'm away from u(or when i read 1 of ur emails)..,and i think about the time spent with u-the smiles that feel like they're just 4 me, the looks that are saying something i can't yet hear, the brief pressing of just about the softest lips i've EVER felt in my life...
And i just don't get it.WHY THE FUCK R U NOTICING ME AT ALL...??????????
I decided after that first nite in class not 2 pay any attention 2 u. U were 1 of those guys who EVERYONE wanted. I could picture people vying 4 ur attention, whether or not they knew it.
But what i've learned(and this puzzles me as well)is what i DON'T see. U DON'T have the ugliness of conceit that some guys with ur striking presence foster. I don't catch the side-long glances as u survey those around u,2 better note how many are watching u. U don't change urself(that i've seen. well, mayb a lil' bit on the nite of that big show.., but just with that 1 guy, and i don't even really know if that's what i saw...).
Anyway-point is that not far after first really FEELING ur sort of inward-out attractiveness, i ABSOLUTELY excluded u from the list of things with witch 2 b occupied.
And u completely flipped that script on me, so now what he fuck do i do.
I would love 2 know how many men u have this effect on.
And it's strange-i can't say that i have FEELINGS 4 u...What i can say is that i have an AWARENESS of u like almost nothing i've ever felt b4.As much as my turtle mode(which i don't even remember HAVING b4 u...lol) goes in2 screaming effect around u-i WANT 2 know u.
And don't get me started on how u SMELL. Intoxicating.I have 2 constantly fight the urge 2 assult u.., grab u by the shoulders,throw my tongue down ur throat,and bury my face in that beautiful,strong neck.Because i used 2 wear a different version of the same thing, it's an odd effect that that oil u wear has on me. It has the combined effect of dizzying me, as far as being HIGHLY aware of it on YOU. And also of reminding me of the 'me' i used 2b.Anytime i'm around u there's this disorienting, sickening duality at play in me. Of being undeniably drawn 2 u(unable 2 make good on my initial resolve 2 NOT notice u),but also i'm scared SHITLESS of having 2 interact with u,4 fear of u finding out what a mute idiot i am around u.
I was being flippant when i said i was scared of u, unfortunately that seems 2b more accurate than i would like, when i think about it.
I'm not a MAN around u.
I'm a little boy,with a fully developed crush on a very sexxxy adult.
THAT'S SO NOT KOOL.That's SO not...ME.
Man, what am i gonna do about U.
Denial vs. Distraction
Okay.
So like my shyt is distraction. I think most people employ denial as a coping skill. I'm pretty sure mine is distraction. I've spent ALOT of my life distracting myself from whatever it was i'd rather not deal with, with whatever the hell i could. Useless hanging out, drugs, soul-killing, empty friendships, playing the cute, stupid, sexxxy biracial hottie, or drugs, or whatever it was. Looking back i realize even my misery and depression were sometimes easier 2 wallow in, than actually have 2 think about why i was feeling them. Depression can b insideiously, seductively, and strangely comforting. esp after if u've been trapped in it 4 awhile. Not 2 diminish how PAINFUL that shyt can b, but truth b told..i might of been able 2 save myself alot of it, if i coulda managed 2 look at WHY i was depressed, or mayb more 2 the point-done something 2 change what i was doing at the time.
So like i think i can totally tell my past 3 yrs of therapy have done their job.
I've been in a worsening (financially) situation since early in July, when my wallet was stolen out of a shopping bag (granted...stupid place 4 it 2b,yer right...), which was in bag check at the corner .99 store, WITH MY RENT MONEY IN IT.
It's been slowly downhill since.
For the first time since i got 'em 3 yrs ago-didn't make my plastic crack (aka credit card) payments. BOOM. They're gone. I miss them more than i miss my former youthful beauty.
The first thing 2 go after that was my Blockbuster membership. Wipe that smirk off ur face. With a huge 32" screen and an unlimited DVD rental pass.. i managed 2 buy myself a shytload of entertaining distraction, while i had it. I miss that 2(i've got a real love/hate thing with Lackluster-aka Blockbuster-but i can't deny that Movie Pass really let me re-discover, and develop, my love of film.
The suckiest thing tho, has been my phone. My only phone-my cell-has been off for 2 wks. Not that any1 ever called my ass, but it's really made me realize just how much, by phone, a lazy mofo like me gets done nowadays.
It's funny, tho-and this is how i know therapy has really helped me turn my shyt around-all the deprevation, worry, stress and isolation has brought me around 2 looking at some stuff i've probably been more than happy not 2 look 2 closely at.
Well.., actually, it's more so this bizarrely, disorienting crush that i've developed on someone that's made me access who i'm is right now.
But it's the isolation that has given me the time 2 'take stock', if u will (my partially whitebread upbringing rears it's ugly head...) and see who i am right now.
And it feels kinda good.
That despite being trapped here in my apt (i have only enuff cash on my Metrocard 4 1 trip out, and a trip back).., and despite at a few points recently REALLY feeling like i was mayb REALLY losing any gains i may have made in this 'new life' of mine, trying 2 learn 2 know-and LIKE-who i am now...i think i may b alright.
At least mostly so.
4 the most part.
Mostly.
Kinda.
Mayb.
We'll see...
Wish me luck.
So like my shyt is distraction. I think most people employ denial as a coping skill. I'm pretty sure mine is distraction. I've spent ALOT of my life distracting myself from whatever it was i'd rather not deal with, with whatever the hell i could. Useless hanging out, drugs, soul-killing, empty friendships, playing the cute, stupid, sexxxy biracial hottie, or drugs, or whatever it was. Looking back i realize even my misery and depression were sometimes easier 2 wallow in, than actually have 2 think about why i was feeling them. Depression can b insideiously, seductively, and strangely comforting. esp after if u've been trapped in it 4 awhile. Not 2 diminish how PAINFUL that shyt can b, but truth b told..i might of been able 2 save myself alot of it, if i coulda managed 2 look at WHY i was depressed, or mayb more 2 the point-done something 2 change what i was doing at the time.
So like i think i can totally tell my past 3 yrs of therapy have done their job.
I've been in a worsening (financially) situation since early in July, when my wallet was stolen out of a shopping bag (granted...stupid place 4 it 2b,yer right...), which was in bag check at the corner .99 store, WITH MY RENT MONEY IN IT.
It's been slowly downhill since.
For the first time since i got 'em 3 yrs ago-didn't make my plastic crack (aka credit card) payments. BOOM. They're gone. I miss them more than i miss my former youthful beauty.
The first thing 2 go after that was my Blockbuster membership. Wipe that smirk off ur face. With a huge 32" screen and an unlimited DVD rental pass.. i managed 2 buy myself a shytload of entertaining distraction, while i had it. I miss that 2(i've got a real love/hate thing with Lackluster-aka Blockbuster-but i can't deny that Movie Pass really let me re-discover, and develop, my love of film.
The suckiest thing tho, has been my phone. My only phone-my cell-has been off for 2 wks. Not that any1 ever called my ass, but it's really made me realize just how much, by phone, a lazy mofo like me gets done nowadays.
It's funny, tho-and this is how i know therapy has really helped me turn my shyt around-all the deprevation, worry, stress and isolation has brought me around 2 looking at some stuff i've probably been more than happy not 2 look 2 closely at.
Well.., actually, it's more so this bizarrely, disorienting crush that i've developed on someone that's made me access who i'm is right now.
But it's the isolation that has given me the time 2 'take stock', if u will (my partially whitebread upbringing rears it's ugly head...) and see who i am right now.
And it feels kinda good.
That despite being trapped here in my apt (i have only enuff cash on my Metrocard 4 1 trip out, and a trip back).., and despite at a few points recently REALLY feeling like i was mayb REALLY losing any gains i may have made in this 'new life' of mine, trying 2 learn 2 know-and LIKE-who i am now...i think i may b alright.
At least mostly so.
4 the most part.
Mostly.
Kinda.
Mayb.
We'll see...
Wish me luck.
Confessions of a disaster slut(Ode 2 Katrina)
Okay.
Hello.
My name is ST., and i'm a disaster slut.
HELLO, ST.
So as soon as Katrina had left a mostly unprepared Florida blinking and stunned by her roughness (she was, after all, at that point only a Category 1 storm, barely upgraded from a tropical storm), i couldn't WAIT 2 c the pics of the damage she was gonna do 2 the Louisiana/Naw'Leans area.
I've always wondered what that is about. Why do pictures of utter destruction and devastation fascinate me...? And mind u-there r different types. Not the pics of man-made horror, not mass murder, or bombing sights-not shyt's not so thrilling (altho-if i'm gonna b honest-old crime scene photo's from the 30's on are qool...).
No-i mean Mother Nature bitch-slapping humanity shots.
The 70-foot yacht upturned in the yard of the modest home, nowhere near water.
The street sign jutting up outta what appears 2b a lake.
The blocks and blocks of rubble, that used 2b a city or town.
I lose myself in pictures like that.
I know it's partially due 2 an inherent awe, respect, appreciation and outright love of this amazing, all-encompassing, humblingly perfect system of things that exists on this tiny blue marble of ours, commonly called 'NATURE".., but there's gotta b more 2 it than that.
Why that almost imperceptable, little...'thrill' at pictures (video moreso, actually) of eartquakes, floods, and tornadoes...?
But i'm NOT a ghoul.
Prayers and wishes 4 wellness go out from me 4 those affected by the latest natural disaster, Katrina.Esp since i've heard that the areas most likely 2 get the worst of her will b the lowest situated places-which-as it turns out-are the poorest neighborhoods.
I've always felt so much sympathy 4 what that must feel like.
I can't imagine how it must feel 2 stand in front of what used 2b a house, YOUR house.., and see only a foundation..
Or drive toward what used 2b ur driveway-ur car up 2 its axles in water-and see a pond where ur driveway used 2 b.
God b with them ALL.
But y'know.., in all honesty..if i could..i'd totally b a storm-chaser.
I absolutely have pictured myself in an SUV, driving at top speed; trying 2 outrun the funnel cloud in the rear view mirror.
I hope someday 2 stand in the middle of a full on hurricane. The rain, the wind, the sheer POWER all around-i almost can't think of anything more EROTIC.
I mean, c'mon!-is there anything more fucking hot then great sex with the windows open during a really bad lighting storm...?
Hah-thought not.
Hello.
My name is ST., and i'm a disaster slut.
HELLO, ST.
So as soon as Katrina had left a mostly unprepared Florida blinking and stunned by her roughness (she was, after all, at that point only a Category 1 storm, barely upgraded from a tropical storm), i couldn't WAIT 2 c the pics of the damage she was gonna do 2 the Louisiana/Naw'Leans area.
I've always wondered what that is about. Why do pictures of utter destruction and devastation fascinate me...? And mind u-there r different types. Not the pics of man-made horror, not mass murder, or bombing sights-not shyt's not so thrilling (altho-if i'm gonna b honest-old crime scene photo's from the 30's on are qool...).
No-i mean Mother Nature bitch-slapping humanity shots.
The 70-foot yacht upturned in the yard of the modest home, nowhere near water.
The street sign jutting up outta what appears 2b a lake.
The blocks and blocks of rubble, that used 2b a city or town.
I lose myself in pictures like that.
I know it's partially due 2 an inherent awe, respect, appreciation and outright love of this amazing, all-encompassing, humblingly perfect system of things that exists on this tiny blue marble of ours, commonly called 'NATURE".., but there's gotta b more 2 it than that.
Why that almost imperceptable, little...'thrill' at pictures (video moreso, actually) of eartquakes, floods, and tornadoes...?
But i'm NOT a ghoul.
Prayers and wishes 4 wellness go out from me 4 those affected by the latest natural disaster, Katrina.Esp since i've heard that the areas most likely 2 get the worst of her will b the lowest situated places-which-as it turns out-are the poorest neighborhoods.
I've always felt so much sympathy 4 what that must feel like.
I can't imagine how it must feel 2 stand in front of what used 2b a house, YOUR house.., and see only a foundation..
Or drive toward what used 2b ur driveway-ur car up 2 its axles in water-and see a pond where ur driveway used 2 b.
God b with them ALL.
But y'know.., in all honesty..if i could..i'd totally b a storm-chaser.
I absolutely have pictured myself in an SUV, driving at top speed; trying 2 outrun the funnel cloud in the rear view mirror.
I hope someday 2 stand in the middle of a full on hurricane. The rain, the wind, the sheer POWER all around-i almost can't think of anything more EROTIC.
I mean, c'mon!-is there anything more fucking hot then great sex with the windows open during a really bad lighting storm...?
Hah-thought not.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
My Blog Cherry...
...is now popped,i guess..
Been inspired by several strong, brilliantly shinning spirits 2 consider 2 do..'this'..,whatever 'this' might/will b....
Been inspired by several strong, brilliantly shinning spirits 2 consider 2 do..'this'..,whatever 'this' might/will b....
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