A shot from this years gay pride...
Monday, October 31, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Here We Go Again...
Not crasy about ol' Freddy Ferrer..,but-PLEASSSSSE-in the name of all that is unholy!!!!!!No more Billion Dollar Bloomie....
The recent ad in which he flaps his lips about 'knowing what it's like 2 look 4 affordable housing' is PARTICULARLY OFFENSIVE.
Tried 2 switch away from it 1 nite when it came on-only 2 b assulted with it on TWO other channels........Nearly had an anneruism....
The recent ad in which he flaps his lips about 'knowing what it's like 2 look 4 affordable housing' is PARTICULARLY OFFENSIVE.
Tried 2 switch away from it 1 nite when it came on-only 2 b assulted with it on TWO other channels........Nearly had an anneruism....
The List Gets One Shorter...(A Years' Reflection)
Okay.
Came across this picture as i cleaned out the Pictures folder of my PowerBook.
My memory most resembles a sieve 4 the most part (this is ur memory...-this is ur memory after dozens of years of somewhat regular pot smoking...lol).
But the memory of this picture is CRYSTAL KLEEER (KLEEER-another inside note-2 b explained at a later date...)
Can't tell u with any real surety how old i am (obviously 3,4 or 5 are good guesses, but only from height and size assumptions).., but i remember it down 2 the sounds and smells.
I think it was 1 of the first times i'd ever been down 2 the ocean. I don't remember exactly where it was either (Sag Harbor...?).., but i remember my fear...
Just looking at the pic, u see how her hand grasps my wrist, and how my legs r planted firmly in opposition...but also note my smile.........
I would kick, and scream and yell (literally) with this woman, but i always knew i was safe...Sometimes the yelling and kicking and screaming was more because somewhere down inside..,i knew she was gonna b right about something..,and i 'hated' her 4 it....
Lol-...kids, huh....
It's so amazing how appropriate that THIS is a pic that survived the years...
Just about everything good i hold dear 2 myself ABOUT myself, was due 2 the stalwart, determined love of this complex, STUNNINGLY loving woman.
Who got nothing in return from me as the young child u see here...
But from the larger man i have become-she thankfully (i HOPE...) did get 2 know that she WAS INDEED A MOTHER.
If u know the flick AUNTIE MAME (((or Mame-The Musical-...p.s.-Why does every1 hate the Lucille Ball version so damn much.....???Lol)))-Then u knew a lil' bit of Mary Garfield...
"THE WORLD IS A BANQUET!!! BUT MOST POOR SUCKERS R STARVING 2 DEATH..!!!!"
Amen, Mary G.., amen.
Except Mary's always full martini was in a full sized re-used peanut butter jar...
Got the image...??
I didn't get 'Hush little baby..' as a lullaby...
I got "Frankie and Johnny were lovers..
He was her man...
But he done her wrong...."
But how appropriate that THIS particular moment b captured.
The unintentionally stylish (4 the time...lol), and poised woman in the picture is Mary Garfield. In many ways this woman holding my wrist is my mother (Love u, 'mom'-wherever u r...).
She fully accepted and dove in2 the unenviable position of stepping in 2 the role of caregiver 4 a scared, lonely, confused, angry, hurt but very intelligent little boy (me). A little boy who knew nothing more than he wanted his mother, as all little boys do.
EVERYTHING I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF IS DUE 2 THIS WOMAN. And also her life partner (never wife, interestingly enough...), my birth mothers' cousin-who is one of the most fascinating, complex, emotionally rich (yet totally reserved and controlled and contained) Black Men (he ABSOLUTELY deserves the CAPS...) i have ever had the pleasure 2 know well.
Found this pic of my 'dad' as well...SO glad 2 have them both...(Mind the quality of this pic, tho...and this is AFTER the fixing....)
Note the grill smoking with a HUGE slab o' some carcass...
He could grill his ass off...
Indeed this particular nite, and many like 'em are e-t-c-h-e-d thickly in my mind's eye. And heart, and nose, and hair (ever try combing pine burs outta a tender headed lil' pickininnys' 'fro....!!!!)
It was one of the upstate (or Vermont) summer places...so far up in the mountains that he wouldn't have 2 actually turn ON the car (-a bright green VW bug, mind u-!!!)..Until we were about 15 mins down the road-the thrill a kid gets from coasting in a car with an adult...........................
Wow.
And-check it-the dogs name was Toto...whom i loved even after he got old and sick and would snap at me when i tried 2 pet him...
All love 4 u 2, Herbert Mack.4Ever.....
No matter how distant we may b now that Ur back with Ur 'first' wife.... U will always have more love from me than i could ever tell u...The bass in ur whole, open laugh is still one of the most calming, reassuring things i will EVER live 2 hear. I was blessed beyond deserving 2 grow under Ur protection.
THANK YOU AS WELL (of course...lol)
[[[[[ 4GIVE THE RAMBLE AND DISJOINT WITHIN THIS POST. THE 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF HER LEAVING THIS PART OF THE JOURNEY-if she could...she would SO tell me what was next..................*smile*-
ONE OF THE FEW WAYS I 'FEEL' MY AGE IS 2 NOTE HOW THE LIST OF PEOPLE WHO U KNOW WITHOUT A SHRED OF HESITATION LOVE U MORE THAN U WILL EVER REALLY KNOW, IS SHORTENED BY 1....... ]]]]]]
Who Will Love The BlackMan...
I am 1,and i luv MANY(and not just like THAT,either...................)
Heard it said that the BlackMan loving the BlackMan
is the LAST revoulution...
Vive ala Revoulcion!!!
(yeah,yeah..,i know-the spelling-git ova it.)
1
Thursday, September 22, 2005
4 YEARS WITHOUT MY CITY(written Sept.12,2005
Okay.
So it's been 4 years without my city.
I only know it's been 4 years because that's what all the news shows and reports say.If i had 2 go go by FEELING,i wouldn't know how long it's been.Beacuse at the same time..it feels like 4ever AND at the SAME time it STILL feels completely unreal,false,like there really still is the littlest chance that SOMEHOW,SOMEWAY it HASN'T REALLY HAPPENED.Somehow something has just gone very wrong temporarily,and it's all somehow just gonna b found 2b some kind of clossal mistake,and we can all b okay again.We don't really have 2 strecth our heads around something that still sticks in the throat of understanding.
But,strange as it is,no matter how littl;e understanding i can STILL have-it doesn't matter..the 'reality' goes on unabated,without my full understanding.
So i wonder if there's anybody else who STILL can't grasp it in the same way i can't.I wonder if mayb i shouldn't really just b okay with it by now.
So it's been 4 years without my city.
I only know it's been 4 years because that's what all the news shows and reports say.If i had 2 go go by FEELING,i wouldn't know how long it's been.Beacuse at the same time..it feels like 4ever AND at the SAME time it STILL feels completely unreal,false,like there really still is the littlest chance that SOMEHOW,SOMEWAY it HASN'T REALLY HAPPENED.Somehow something has just gone very wrong temporarily,and it's all somehow just gonna b found 2b some kind of clossal mistake,and we can all b okay again.We don't really have 2 strecth our heads around something that still sticks in the throat of understanding.
But,strange as it is,no matter how littl;e understanding i can STILL have-it doesn't matter..the 'reality' goes on unabated,without my full understanding.
So i wonder if there's anybody else who STILL can't grasp it in the same way i can't.I wonder if mayb i shouldn't really just b okay with it by now.
LAST SUNDAY OF THE SUMMER 2005
Okay.
This one even had kites in the sky, folks.
The simplicity of the wind, atop of the slope of a hillside.
Unbelievably perfect prerequisite pluffly white clouds, as if placed in a child's' diorama...
The sun, warm enuff 4 a kiss, cool enuff 4 a smile
The life of a family, enjoying its unity.
There was this perfect guy.., and i (!) got 2 spend the day with him!
Peaceful couplings spotted the open meadows, as far as the eye could see.. in every direction.
Communities of bonds stronger than blood.
And single peoples happy within themselves, happy 2b by themselves, but with so many others...
AND I EVEN GOT MY VERY OWN POEM!
How much u wanna bet there was a population (conceptions) spike on Sunday, September 17,2005.
The last Sunday of the Summer.
This one even had kites in the sky, folks.
The simplicity of the wind, atop of the slope of a hillside.
Unbelievably perfect prerequisite pluffly white clouds, as if placed in a child's' diorama...
The sun, warm enuff 4 a kiss, cool enuff 4 a smile
The life of a family, enjoying its unity.
There was this perfect guy.., and i (!) got 2 spend the day with him!
Peaceful couplings spotted the open meadows, as far as the eye could see.. in every direction.
Communities of bonds stronger than blood.
And single peoples happy within themselves, happy 2b by themselves, but with so many others...
AND I EVEN GOT MY VERY OWN POEM!
How much u wanna bet there was a population (conceptions) spike on Sunday, September 17,2005.
The last Sunday of the Summer.
SHAKE THE ANGER 1: A GULF OF 2 TOWERS
I'm STILL having 2 shake the anger from my body.
The more i learn the more i have 2 4get temporarily, push it out of my immediate mind...
I see Bush. I see Cheney. I see Rove. I see Rice.
And all i see is EVIL.
I think of the FIRST unknown brother, lost 2 "big diseease with a little name"
I FEEL my brother, lost, today.
I see thousands of people left behind.
Water as far as the eye can see.
I see a concentrated, incredibly pressurized crash-course microcosm of our treatment by the power establishment in this country.
Yea-sure-it DIDN'T happen because they were black, it happened because they were POOR and BLACK.
I see hatred SO perfect that people actually burn.., and fall 4ever...
I see a fucking truncated, broken, foriegn, and scraggly skyline.
I don't know what city that/this is.
MY city is now missing.., and i have 2 live HERE instead.
I see people left behind. In a pit in the ground.
The more i learn the more i have 2 4get temporarily, push it out of my immediate mind...
I see Bush. I see Cheney. I see Rove. I see Rice.
And all i see is EVIL.
I think of the FIRST unknown brother, lost 2 "big diseease with a little name"
I FEEL my brother, lost, today.
I see thousands of people left behind.
Water as far as the eye can see.
I see a concentrated, incredibly pressurized crash-course microcosm of our treatment by the power establishment in this country.
Yea-sure-it DIDN'T happen because they were black, it happened because they were POOR and BLACK.
I see hatred SO perfect that people actually burn.., and fall 4ever...
I see a fucking truncated, broken, foriegn, and scraggly skyline.
I don't know what city that/this is.
MY city is now missing.., and i have 2 live HERE instead.
I see people left behind. In a pit in the ground.
Monday, September 12, 2005
WHAT I WANT(Much abridged...)
Okay.
[FULL DISCLOSURE : So, like...this was kinda written 2 b like, general..but, um..as it turns out...there is somebody whose face keeps getting put in the HIM spot in each of these. And he'll know who he is...]
I want 2 tell him all the dirt about an ex of mine that we run into one night when were together.
I want 2 make him spaghetti.
I want 2 hold him as he cries when we get back from the funeral of someone he knew his entire life (okay-well i don't WANT that.., but u know what i mean..)
I want his mother 2 know my name mayb.
I want 2 know his favorite ice cream so i can pick it up at Associated, if i'm doing the shopping 4 dinner that nite (unless of course we're doing well enuff 2 live by a Gristedes...!!!)
I want him 2 hate a favorite HBO show of mine, roll his eyes when it comes on as we're sitting on the couch, but sit there with me anyway.
I want 2 hate him 4 something he did, then melt when he tells me with tears in his eyes that he's sorry (IF he means it. He still gets no dick if i don't believe him yet.)
I want 2 turn 2 him and have a memory of the first trip we took 2gether.., all those years ago.
I can't wait 2 be inside him, and have it b FAMILIAR.
And when i REALLY stretch the vision of my minds eye... and am TOTALLY honest with myself...i think that it will b amazing 2 watch him with OUR SON.
[FULL DISCLOSURE : So, like...this was kinda written 2 b like, general..but, um..as it turns out...there is somebody whose face keeps getting put in the HIM spot in each of these. And he'll know who he is...]
I want 2 tell him all the dirt about an ex of mine that we run into one night when were together.
I want 2 make him spaghetti.
I want 2 hold him as he cries when we get back from the funeral of someone he knew his entire life (okay-well i don't WANT that.., but u know what i mean..)
I want his mother 2 know my name mayb.
I want 2 know his favorite ice cream so i can pick it up at Associated, if i'm doing the shopping 4 dinner that nite (unless of course we're doing well enuff 2 live by a Gristedes...!!!)
I want him 2 hate a favorite HBO show of mine, roll his eyes when it comes on as we're sitting on the couch, but sit there with me anyway.
I want 2 hate him 4 something he did, then melt when he tells me with tears in his eyes that he's sorry (IF he means it. He still gets no dick if i don't believe him yet.)
I want 2 turn 2 him and have a memory of the first trip we took 2gether.., all those years ago.
I can't wait 2 be inside him, and have it b FAMILIAR.
And when i REALLY stretch the vision of my minds eye... and am TOTALLY honest with myself...i think that it will b amazing 2 watch him with OUR SON.
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
HOW 2 PRACTICE EVIL (and get away with it)
By Condoleezza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld, and Karl Rove
1.Tell BOLDFACE lies with an absolutely straight face. Repeat if necessary. [See also #2]
2.Switch it up sometimes. Instead of an OUTRIGHT LIE, tell a 'version' of the truth with whatever OMISSIONS are advantageous at the time.
3.DISTRACTION. (I.E. If 11 of the 12 so called 9/11 bombers are from Saudi Arabia, 'discover' weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.)
4.OVERSIMPLIFY. Dumb-down, dumb-down, dumb-down-every argument u want people 2 swallow, 2 a ridiculous extreme. ("Your either 4 us or against us").
5.Think only in the short term. Adapt ONLY short term, stopgap, or temporary solutions. (Be sure 2 lie about it, and say it'll have 'long-term benefits', when asked.)
6.Clothe everything in the fine linen of 'God', 'Christianity', or 'America'.
7.Peddle fear.
8.Create evil doing 'boogey-men'. Especially effective if they have brown or olive skin color.
9. Protect the profit margin of the most entrenched, old powerbase (Banking/Financial-Oil/Energy-Defense/Law Enforcement).
10.Make ANY dissension seem somehow dangerous, traitorous, or irresponsible.
[-2 b con't..]
1.Tell BOLDFACE lies with an absolutely straight face. Repeat if necessary. [See also #2]
2.Switch it up sometimes. Instead of an OUTRIGHT LIE, tell a 'version' of the truth with whatever OMISSIONS are advantageous at the time.
3.DISTRACTION. (I.E. If 11 of the 12 so called 9/11 bombers are from Saudi Arabia, 'discover' weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.)
4.OVERSIMPLIFY. Dumb-down, dumb-down, dumb-down-every argument u want people 2 swallow, 2 a ridiculous extreme. ("Your either 4 us or against us").
5.Think only in the short term. Adapt ONLY short term, stopgap, or temporary solutions. (Be sure 2 lie about it, and say it'll have 'long-term benefits', when asked.)
6.Clothe everything in the fine linen of 'God', 'Christianity', or 'America'.
7.Peddle fear.
8.Create evil doing 'boogey-men'. Especially effective if they have brown or olive skin color.
9. Protect the profit margin of the most entrenched, old powerbase (Banking/Financial-Oil/Energy-Defense/Law Enforcement).
10.Make ANY dissension seem somehow dangerous, traitorous, or irresponsible.
[-2 b con't..]
APOLOGIES ARE IN ORDER.
For Mary G., Hector R., and H.R.
(In random order)
I'm sorry if, at the end, my uncle seemed a little bit like he just wanted u gone. I know u know how hard and complicated the feelings involved in being a long-time caretaker can be. And i know u know how much he ABSOLUTELY loved u. And i'm sorry i wasn't there 2 help him.
I'm sorry i wasn't mature, enlightened, or kind enuff 2 pay attention when u asked me 2 come 'see u one last time'. I'm sorry i thought u were being melodramatic (u could b at times, funny that we'd talked about that, huh...). I'm sorry i wasn't ready 2 think about the implications of that statement. At the time, i didn't have the moral, spiritual, or emotional strength 2 think about u really NOT being around.
I'm sorry that ur family wasn't at the funeral. I'm sorry that i don't know why.
I'm sorry my mother wouldn't let u adapt me. But glad that u told me that that was why, when i later asked why u never did.
I'm sorry i didn't have the courage 2 sing u the Irish lullaby u used 2 sing 2 me when u were drunk, when i was a kid, as u were leaving us. But so glad i WAS there.
I'm sorry that i was SO small, scared and obtuse at the time, that i took the out u gave me (God BLESS u, u ALWAYS were a thoughtful lil' mutherfucker.... smile), in not mentioning ur being in a wheelchair DIRECTLY. U were thinking about me even then weren't u?
I'm sorry u never got 2 c me with one of my really good boyfriends (wouldn't have subjected u 2 the shitty ones.)
I'm sorry i didn't recognize that i WAS ur SON.
I'm sorry my uncle moved his first wife in so soon after u were gone.
I'm sorry i haven't yet been back 2 where ur body now rests.
I'm sorry i don't know where ur body rests.
I'm sorry if it ever pained u that even tho u cooked 4 me and fed me, taught me 2 read, held me when was i was scared, and sang "Frankie and Johnny" 2 me as a lullaby, i still only wanted 2 know when was my mother was going 2 come get me.
I'm sorry i fell in love with some1 else b4 i realized just how much u loved me. I'm sorry i had 2 find out u were no longer here from some trick we had in common.
I'm sorry it took me SO LONG 2 forgive us 4 what we ABSOLUTELY HAD 2 DO at the time. Then, and even now-in hindsight, no matter how it FELT-there really was NO other choice. I'm sorry u didn't let me help u afterwards. And yeah, i DO know he or she'd b about 17 or 18 now...wow.
I'm sorry that mayb none of THIS means SHYT. When u fuck up on someone who then dies-there's no heart-warming touchy feely, all-is-right-again resolution in the last half-hour of the movie. FUCK U Sylvia ?, and (that guy who used 2 have his own show) U can never do right by that person again. And i am SO sorry.
(In random order)
I'm sorry if, at the end, my uncle seemed a little bit like he just wanted u gone. I know u know how hard and complicated the feelings involved in being a long-time caretaker can be. And i know u know how much he ABSOLUTELY loved u. And i'm sorry i wasn't there 2 help him.
I'm sorry i wasn't mature, enlightened, or kind enuff 2 pay attention when u asked me 2 come 'see u one last time'. I'm sorry i thought u were being melodramatic (u could b at times, funny that we'd talked about that, huh...). I'm sorry i wasn't ready 2 think about the implications of that statement. At the time, i didn't have the moral, spiritual, or emotional strength 2 think about u really NOT being around.
I'm sorry that ur family wasn't at the funeral. I'm sorry that i don't know why.
I'm sorry my mother wouldn't let u adapt me. But glad that u told me that that was why, when i later asked why u never did.
I'm sorry i didn't have the courage 2 sing u the Irish lullaby u used 2 sing 2 me when u were drunk, when i was a kid, as u were leaving us. But so glad i WAS there.
I'm sorry that i was SO small, scared and obtuse at the time, that i took the out u gave me (God BLESS u, u ALWAYS were a thoughtful lil' mutherfucker.... smile), in not mentioning ur being in a wheelchair DIRECTLY. U were thinking about me even then weren't u?
I'm sorry u never got 2 c me with one of my really good boyfriends (wouldn't have subjected u 2 the shitty ones.)
I'm sorry i didn't recognize that i WAS ur SON.
I'm sorry my uncle moved his first wife in so soon after u were gone.
I'm sorry i haven't yet been back 2 where ur body now rests.
I'm sorry i don't know where ur body rests.
I'm sorry if it ever pained u that even tho u cooked 4 me and fed me, taught me 2 read, held me when was i was scared, and sang "Frankie and Johnny" 2 me as a lullaby, i still only wanted 2 know when was my mother was going 2 come get me.
I'm sorry i fell in love with some1 else b4 i realized just how much u loved me. I'm sorry i had 2 find out u were no longer here from some trick we had in common.
I'm sorry it took me SO LONG 2 forgive us 4 what we ABSOLUTELY HAD 2 DO at the time. Then, and even now-in hindsight, no matter how it FELT-there really was NO other choice. I'm sorry u didn't let me help u afterwards. And yeah, i DO know he or she'd b about 17 or 18 now...wow.
I'm sorry that mayb none of THIS means SHYT. When u fuck up on someone who then dies-there's no heart-warming touchy feely, all-is-right-again resolution in the last half-hour of the movie. FUCK U Sylvia ?, and (that guy who used 2 have his own show) U can never do right by that person again. And i am SO sorry.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
The Smoke List
Okay.
Forgot 2 ask mom 4 a take home joint.
Shit.
Started thinking...
BEFORE I DIE
I want 2 smoke in a hot air balloon over the Valley of Kings.
I want 2 smoke right b4 swimming with the dolphins.
I want 2 smoke watching Prince perform live.
I want 2 dance with the Aborigines at the foot of Devils' Tower, and smoke.
I want 2 climb Mount Kilimanjaro as high as i can, and smoke.
I want 2 ride a gondola thru Venice, Italy and smoke.
I want 2 smoke and go skydiving.
I want 2 smoke while riding the Orient Express.
I want 2 drive cross-country and smoke (and not get caught ONCE).
I want 2 swing thru the trees of the Amazon jungle, rest on a branch, and smoke.
I want 2 eat peyote under the tutelage of an Indian shaman, and then smoke (this one might b overkill).
I want 2 smoke while in the topmost car of the London Eye.
I want 2 smoke at Studio 54, at a party with Marilyn Monroe, James Baldwin, Edith Piaf, Truman Capote, Tutankhamen, my ex-boyfriend Hector Rodriguez, Dorothy Dandridge, Janis Joplin, Sylvester, John Lennon, Sal Mineo, Keith Haring, Alfred Hitchcock, my aunt Mary Garfield (she probably won't b smoking, tho-smooth, dry, LARGE martinis will b fine, thank you), Billie Holiday, JFK, and Malcolm X.
With Larry Levan in the DJ booth.
I want 2 smoke RIGHT NOW.
That second 2 last 1 might have 2 wait 'till after i'm dead.
Forgot 2 ask mom 4 a take home joint.
Shit.
Started thinking...
BEFORE I DIE
I want 2 smoke in a hot air balloon over the Valley of Kings.
I want 2 smoke right b4 swimming with the dolphins.
I want 2 smoke watching Prince perform live.
I want 2 dance with the Aborigines at the foot of Devils' Tower, and smoke.
I want 2 climb Mount Kilimanjaro as high as i can, and smoke.
I want 2 ride a gondola thru Venice, Italy and smoke.
I want 2 smoke and go skydiving.
I want 2 smoke while riding the Orient Express.
I want 2 drive cross-country and smoke (and not get caught ONCE).
I want 2 swing thru the trees of the Amazon jungle, rest on a branch, and smoke.
I want 2 eat peyote under the tutelage of an Indian shaman, and then smoke (this one might b overkill).
I want 2 smoke while in the topmost car of the London Eye.
I want 2 smoke at Studio 54, at a party with Marilyn Monroe, James Baldwin, Edith Piaf, Truman Capote, Tutankhamen, my ex-boyfriend Hector Rodriguez, Dorothy Dandridge, Janis Joplin, Sylvester, John Lennon, Sal Mineo, Keith Haring, Alfred Hitchcock, my aunt Mary Garfield (she probably won't b smoking, tho-smooth, dry, LARGE martinis will b fine, thank you), Billie Holiday, JFK, and Malcolm X.
With Larry Levan in the DJ booth.
I want 2 smoke RIGHT NOW.
That second 2 last 1 might have 2 wait 'till after i'm dead.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
10 Truths(?)
Okay.
Mayb i'm conflicted now about calling these 'truths'.
Tru-isms,mayb..?Is there a diff..?Wonder what the definition of truism actually is....
Got this as a 4ward sometime back.usually hate these things,but hey-'right' is 'RIGHT'.
TEN TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead
2. Jesus was NOT white
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. KISSING YOUR PET IS NOT CUTE OR CLEAN
5. Skinny does NOT equal sexy
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children
7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional butt whupping helps a child stay in line
10. HAVING YOUR CHILDREN CURSE YOU OUT IN PUBLIC IS NOT NORMAL
TEN TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT
1. Hickeys are NOT attractive
2. Chicken is food, NOT a roommate
3. JESUS IS NOT A NAME FOR YOUR SON
4. Your country's flag is NOT a car decoration
5. Maria is a name but NOT for every daughter
6. Jump out and run is NOT in any insurance policy
7. Ten people in a car is considered too many
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement
9. MAMI AND PAPI CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THE NICKNAME OF EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is NOT normal
TEN TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT
1. O.J. did it
2. Tupac is dead
3. TEETH SHOULD NOT BE DECORATED
4. Weddings should start on time
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President
7. RED IS NOT A KOOL AID FLAVOR, IT'S A COLOR
8. Church does NOT require expensive clothes
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away
10.Your rims and sound system should NOT be worth more than your car
Mayb i'm conflicted now about calling these 'truths'.
Tru-isms,mayb..?Is there a diff..?Wonder what the definition of truism actually is....
Got this as a 4ward sometime back.usually hate these things,but hey-'right' is 'RIGHT'.
TEN TRUTHS BLACK AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHITE PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT:
1. Elvis is dead
2. Jesus was NOT white
3. Rap music is here to stay
4. KISSING YOUR PET IS NOT CUTE OR CLEAN
5. Skinny does NOT equal sexy
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children
7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5
9. An occasional butt whupping helps a child stay in line
10. HAVING YOUR CHILDREN CURSE YOU OUT IN PUBLIC IS NOT NORMAL
TEN TRUTHS WHITE AND BLACK PEOPLE KNOW, BUT HISPANIC PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT
1. Hickeys are NOT attractive
2. Chicken is food, NOT a roommate
3. JESUS IS NOT A NAME FOR YOUR SON
4. Your country's flag is NOT a car decoration
5. Maria is a name but NOT for every daughter
6. Jump out and run is NOT in any insurance policy
7. Ten people in a car is considered too many
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement
9. MAMI AND PAPI CAN'T POSSIBLY BE THE NICKNAME OF EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is NOT normal
TEN TRUTHS WHITE AND HISPANIC PEOPLE KNOW, BUT BLACK PEOPLE WON'T ADMIT
1. O.J. did it
2. Tupac is dead
3. TEETH SHOULD NOT BE DECORATED
4. Weddings should start on time
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President
7. RED IS NOT A KOOL AID FLAVOR, IT'S A COLOR
8. Church does NOT require expensive clothes
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away
10.Your rims and sound system should NOT be worth more than your car
Disaster Slut, revisited
Okay.
Well.
Wasn't thinking about the tears, when i was anticipating the pics of the aftermath of Katrina. I mean i own up 2 bawling at phone and beverage commercials during the holidays, but i was a little surprised at how stunned and deeply felt my reaction 2 some of the video and interviews with the survivors of Katrina's visit was, and is.
Didn't really think there'd b the death toll there has been, and there's still so much of the area that hasn't been gotten 2 yet.
The awful scenes yet 2 b discovered...
The water is STILL rising.
And the pics and video have been much more powerful than i expected.
Yet in the back of my mind.., the idea of the eventual folly of living in someplace where only the small, insignificant, ultimately pathetic attempts of 'man' 2 keep something like the OCEAN away are all an area depends on 2 exist. That whole area is a bowl, the insides of which are actually below sea level.
There's no power in most places. As i write this, soon it's gonna b nite there.
Initially only 1 of the levies that keep the some of the areas dry had broken. As the morning wore on another has let go, sending water many feet high in2 streets and areas that had initially been spared. Now all four of the levies that surround the area are at least partially broken, water flowing over and into the city. And they can't even pump it out, as that would only put it in the Lake, which is already overflowing with the rain from Katrina.
They say very probably 100's of people on rooftops.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
The Superdome where they hastily sheltered 10's of thousands, will now have 2 be evacuated, due 2 the rising water now nearing that downtown area, which had previously been spared.
Water is 10,20 and more ft high.
And then..
What 2 think of the people u see actually looting damaged stores. The rain soaking them as they run, the water above their ankles. What do i feel as i see that they are all BLACK.
In 1 pic i saw a 'brotha' was CHEST HIGH in water, his bag of stolen shyt floating behind him, over his shoulder.
That side of me that feels like it can sympathize with almost ANY other fellow human tries 2 make the rest of me understand..
"Look, ST, u know being poor. U understand that lack of knowing anything better means u do ONLY what u know, or what u see around u. Look at the near complete devastation those people are seeing around them. Stuff is literally in the streets 4 them 2 take..."
Somehow, I'm happy that none of that is really winning the argument 4 me.Besides-where the fuck do u take ur looted shyt,when there's no where 2 go..?THAT'S a special kind of ignorance.
Y'know...i think i know why this may b hitting me like it is.., at least partly.
These feelings kinda remind me of a certain beautful, clear Tuesday morning in Sept. of 2001.
I remember what it's like 2 wonder if mayb the world as u know it can absolutely END.
Yup. Sorry, Virgina, it still absolutely CAN.
Well.
Wasn't thinking about the tears, when i was anticipating the pics of the aftermath of Katrina. I mean i own up 2 bawling at phone and beverage commercials during the holidays, but i was a little surprised at how stunned and deeply felt my reaction 2 some of the video and interviews with the survivors of Katrina's visit was, and is.
Didn't really think there'd b the death toll there has been, and there's still so much of the area that hasn't been gotten 2 yet.
The awful scenes yet 2 b discovered...
The water is STILL rising.
And the pics and video have been much more powerful than i expected.
Yet in the back of my mind.., the idea of the eventual folly of living in someplace where only the small, insignificant, ultimately pathetic attempts of 'man' 2 keep something like the OCEAN away are all an area depends on 2 exist. That whole area is a bowl, the insides of which are actually below sea level.
There's no power in most places. As i write this, soon it's gonna b nite there.
Initially only 1 of the levies that keep the some of the areas dry had broken. As the morning wore on another has let go, sending water many feet high in2 streets and areas that had initially been spared. Now all four of the levies that surround the area are at least partially broken, water flowing over and into the city. And they can't even pump it out, as that would only put it in the Lake, which is already overflowing with the rain from Katrina.
They say very probably 100's of people on rooftops.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
The Superdome where they hastily sheltered 10's of thousands, will now have 2 be evacuated, due 2 the rising water now nearing that downtown area, which had previously been spared.
Water is 10,20 and more ft high.
And then..
What 2 think of the people u see actually looting damaged stores. The rain soaking them as they run, the water above their ankles. What do i feel as i see that they are all BLACK.
In 1 pic i saw a 'brotha' was CHEST HIGH in water, his bag of stolen shyt floating behind him, over his shoulder.
That side of me that feels like it can sympathize with almost ANY other fellow human tries 2 make the rest of me understand..
"Look, ST, u know being poor. U understand that lack of knowing anything better means u do ONLY what u know, or what u see around u. Look at the near complete devastation those people are seeing around them. Stuff is literally in the streets 4 them 2 take..."
Somehow, I'm happy that none of that is really winning the argument 4 me.Besides-where the fuck do u take ur looted shyt,when there's no where 2 go..?THAT'S a special kind of ignorance.
Y'know...i think i know why this may b hitting me like it is.., at least partly.
These feelings kinda remind me of a certain beautful, clear Tuesday morning in Sept. of 2001.
I remember what it's like 2 wonder if mayb the world as u know it can absolutely END.
Yup. Sorry, Virgina, it still absolutely CAN.
Time 2 tackle this...
Okay.
Time 2 tackle why u fuck me up so much. First some facts.
I like 2 watch u.I like 2 watch u with people.
Before i even got 2 see u in a group (other than class) i knew u were 1 of those people who changed the energy of the place u were in. That's extremely powerful. Sometimes when u look at me, and i'm looking back at ur eyes (i haven't really looked 2 far in to them , yet-i've been 2 dazzled by the surface beauty of them..)-i feel like i've been hit. Not even. I feel like i've been walloped. I'm all thumbs and nervous silence with u. I DON'T LIKE THAT. It's awful, exruciating. That hasn't been me around ANYONE, really.., since high school. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AROUND U.That BAFFLES me.That's NOT me.
But u know what i think fucks me up even more than that...
THE FACT THAT U ARE SHOWING ME THE ATTENTION U ARE.
The minute i'm away from u(or when i read 1 of ur emails)..,and i think about the time spent with u-the smiles that feel like they're just 4 me, the looks that are saying something i can't yet hear, the brief pressing of just about the softest lips i've EVER felt in my life...
And i just don't get it.WHY THE FUCK R U NOTICING ME AT ALL...??????????
I decided after that first nite in class not 2 pay any attention 2 u. U were 1 of those guys who EVERYONE wanted. I could picture people vying 4 ur attention, whether or not they knew it.
But what i've learned(and this puzzles me as well)is what i DON'T see. U DON'T have the ugliness of conceit that some guys with ur striking presence foster. I don't catch the side-long glances as u survey those around u,2 better note how many are watching u. U don't change urself(that i've seen. well, mayb a lil' bit on the nite of that big show.., but just with that 1 guy, and i don't even really know if that's what i saw...).
Anyway-point is that not far after first really FEELING ur sort of inward-out attractiveness, i ABSOLUTELY excluded u from the list of things with witch 2 b occupied.
And u completely flipped that script on me, so now what he fuck do i do.
I would love 2 know how many men u have this effect on.
And it's strange-i can't say that i have FEELINGS 4 u...What i can say is that i have an AWARENESS of u like almost nothing i've ever felt b4.As much as my turtle mode(which i don't even remember HAVING b4 u...lol) goes in2 screaming effect around u-i WANT 2 know u.
And don't get me started on how u SMELL. Intoxicating.I have 2 constantly fight the urge 2 assult u.., grab u by the shoulders,throw my tongue down ur throat,and bury my face in that beautiful,strong neck.Because i used 2 wear a different version of the same thing, it's an odd effect that that oil u wear has on me. It has the combined effect of dizzying me, as far as being HIGHLY aware of it on YOU. And also of reminding me of the 'me' i used 2b.Anytime i'm around u there's this disorienting, sickening duality at play in me. Of being undeniably drawn 2 u(unable 2 make good on my initial resolve 2 NOT notice u),but also i'm scared SHITLESS of having 2 interact with u,4 fear of u finding out what a mute idiot i am around u.
I was being flippant when i said i was scared of u, unfortunately that seems 2b more accurate than i would like, when i think about it.
I'm not a MAN around u.
I'm a little boy,with a fully developed crush on a very sexxxy adult.
THAT'S SO NOT KOOL.That's SO not...ME.
Man, what am i gonna do about U.
Time 2 tackle why u fuck me up so much. First some facts.
I like 2 watch u.I like 2 watch u with people.
Before i even got 2 see u in a group (other than class) i knew u were 1 of those people who changed the energy of the place u were in. That's extremely powerful. Sometimes when u look at me, and i'm looking back at ur eyes (i haven't really looked 2 far in to them , yet-i've been 2 dazzled by the surface beauty of them..)-i feel like i've been hit. Not even. I feel like i've been walloped. I'm all thumbs and nervous silence with u. I DON'T LIKE THAT. It's awful, exruciating. That hasn't been me around ANYONE, really.., since high school. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM AROUND U.That BAFFLES me.That's NOT me.
But u know what i think fucks me up even more than that...
THE FACT THAT U ARE SHOWING ME THE ATTENTION U ARE.
The minute i'm away from u(or when i read 1 of ur emails)..,and i think about the time spent with u-the smiles that feel like they're just 4 me, the looks that are saying something i can't yet hear, the brief pressing of just about the softest lips i've EVER felt in my life...
And i just don't get it.WHY THE FUCK R U NOTICING ME AT ALL...??????????
I decided after that first nite in class not 2 pay any attention 2 u. U were 1 of those guys who EVERYONE wanted. I could picture people vying 4 ur attention, whether or not they knew it.
But what i've learned(and this puzzles me as well)is what i DON'T see. U DON'T have the ugliness of conceit that some guys with ur striking presence foster. I don't catch the side-long glances as u survey those around u,2 better note how many are watching u. U don't change urself(that i've seen. well, mayb a lil' bit on the nite of that big show.., but just with that 1 guy, and i don't even really know if that's what i saw...).
Anyway-point is that not far after first really FEELING ur sort of inward-out attractiveness, i ABSOLUTELY excluded u from the list of things with witch 2 b occupied.
And u completely flipped that script on me, so now what he fuck do i do.
I would love 2 know how many men u have this effect on.
And it's strange-i can't say that i have FEELINGS 4 u...What i can say is that i have an AWARENESS of u like almost nothing i've ever felt b4.As much as my turtle mode(which i don't even remember HAVING b4 u...lol) goes in2 screaming effect around u-i WANT 2 know u.
And don't get me started on how u SMELL. Intoxicating.I have 2 constantly fight the urge 2 assult u.., grab u by the shoulders,throw my tongue down ur throat,and bury my face in that beautiful,strong neck.Because i used 2 wear a different version of the same thing, it's an odd effect that that oil u wear has on me. It has the combined effect of dizzying me, as far as being HIGHLY aware of it on YOU. And also of reminding me of the 'me' i used 2b.Anytime i'm around u there's this disorienting, sickening duality at play in me. Of being undeniably drawn 2 u(unable 2 make good on my initial resolve 2 NOT notice u),but also i'm scared SHITLESS of having 2 interact with u,4 fear of u finding out what a mute idiot i am around u.
I was being flippant when i said i was scared of u, unfortunately that seems 2b more accurate than i would like, when i think about it.
I'm not a MAN around u.
I'm a little boy,with a fully developed crush on a very sexxxy adult.
THAT'S SO NOT KOOL.That's SO not...ME.
Man, what am i gonna do about U.
Denial vs. Distraction
Okay.
So like my shyt is distraction. I think most people employ denial as a coping skill. I'm pretty sure mine is distraction. I've spent ALOT of my life distracting myself from whatever it was i'd rather not deal with, with whatever the hell i could. Useless hanging out, drugs, soul-killing, empty friendships, playing the cute, stupid, sexxxy biracial hottie, or drugs, or whatever it was. Looking back i realize even my misery and depression were sometimes easier 2 wallow in, than actually have 2 think about why i was feeling them. Depression can b insideiously, seductively, and strangely comforting. esp after if u've been trapped in it 4 awhile. Not 2 diminish how PAINFUL that shyt can b, but truth b told..i might of been able 2 save myself alot of it, if i coulda managed 2 look at WHY i was depressed, or mayb more 2 the point-done something 2 change what i was doing at the time.
So like i think i can totally tell my past 3 yrs of therapy have done their job.
I've been in a worsening (financially) situation since early in July, when my wallet was stolen out of a shopping bag (granted...stupid place 4 it 2b,yer right...), which was in bag check at the corner .99 store, WITH MY RENT MONEY IN IT.
It's been slowly downhill since.
For the first time since i got 'em 3 yrs ago-didn't make my plastic crack (aka credit card) payments. BOOM. They're gone. I miss them more than i miss my former youthful beauty.
The first thing 2 go after that was my Blockbuster membership. Wipe that smirk off ur face. With a huge 32" screen and an unlimited DVD rental pass.. i managed 2 buy myself a shytload of entertaining distraction, while i had it. I miss that 2(i've got a real love/hate thing with Lackluster-aka Blockbuster-but i can't deny that Movie Pass really let me re-discover, and develop, my love of film.
The suckiest thing tho, has been my phone. My only phone-my cell-has been off for 2 wks. Not that any1 ever called my ass, but it's really made me realize just how much, by phone, a lazy mofo like me gets done nowadays.
It's funny, tho-and this is how i know therapy has really helped me turn my shyt around-all the deprevation, worry, stress and isolation has brought me around 2 looking at some stuff i've probably been more than happy not 2 look 2 closely at.
Well.., actually, it's more so this bizarrely, disorienting crush that i've developed on someone that's made me access who i'm is right now.
But it's the isolation that has given me the time 2 'take stock', if u will (my partially whitebread upbringing rears it's ugly head...) and see who i am right now.
And it feels kinda good.
That despite being trapped here in my apt (i have only enuff cash on my Metrocard 4 1 trip out, and a trip back).., and despite at a few points recently REALLY feeling like i was mayb REALLY losing any gains i may have made in this 'new life' of mine, trying 2 learn 2 know-and LIKE-who i am now...i think i may b alright.
At least mostly so.
4 the most part.
Mostly.
Kinda.
Mayb.
We'll see...
Wish me luck.
So like my shyt is distraction. I think most people employ denial as a coping skill. I'm pretty sure mine is distraction. I've spent ALOT of my life distracting myself from whatever it was i'd rather not deal with, with whatever the hell i could. Useless hanging out, drugs, soul-killing, empty friendships, playing the cute, stupid, sexxxy biracial hottie, or drugs, or whatever it was. Looking back i realize even my misery and depression were sometimes easier 2 wallow in, than actually have 2 think about why i was feeling them. Depression can b insideiously, seductively, and strangely comforting. esp after if u've been trapped in it 4 awhile. Not 2 diminish how PAINFUL that shyt can b, but truth b told..i might of been able 2 save myself alot of it, if i coulda managed 2 look at WHY i was depressed, or mayb more 2 the point-done something 2 change what i was doing at the time.
So like i think i can totally tell my past 3 yrs of therapy have done their job.
I've been in a worsening (financially) situation since early in July, when my wallet was stolen out of a shopping bag (granted...stupid place 4 it 2b,yer right...), which was in bag check at the corner .99 store, WITH MY RENT MONEY IN IT.
It's been slowly downhill since.
For the first time since i got 'em 3 yrs ago-didn't make my plastic crack (aka credit card) payments. BOOM. They're gone. I miss them more than i miss my former youthful beauty.
The first thing 2 go after that was my Blockbuster membership. Wipe that smirk off ur face. With a huge 32" screen and an unlimited DVD rental pass.. i managed 2 buy myself a shytload of entertaining distraction, while i had it. I miss that 2(i've got a real love/hate thing with Lackluster-aka Blockbuster-but i can't deny that Movie Pass really let me re-discover, and develop, my love of film.
The suckiest thing tho, has been my phone. My only phone-my cell-has been off for 2 wks. Not that any1 ever called my ass, but it's really made me realize just how much, by phone, a lazy mofo like me gets done nowadays.
It's funny, tho-and this is how i know therapy has really helped me turn my shyt around-all the deprevation, worry, stress and isolation has brought me around 2 looking at some stuff i've probably been more than happy not 2 look 2 closely at.
Well.., actually, it's more so this bizarrely, disorienting crush that i've developed on someone that's made me access who i'm is right now.
But it's the isolation that has given me the time 2 'take stock', if u will (my partially whitebread upbringing rears it's ugly head...) and see who i am right now.
And it feels kinda good.
That despite being trapped here in my apt (i have only enuff cash on my Metrocard 4 1 trip out, and a trip back).., and despite at a few points recently REALLY feeling like i was mayb REALLY losing any gains i may have made in this 'new life' of mine, trying 2 learn 2 know-and LIKE-who i am now...i think i may b alright.
At least mostly so.
4 the most part.
Mostly.
Kinda.
Mayb.
We'll see...
Wish me luck.
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